Admitting It
by YuriCore
Summary: Chika has a crush on Miu, but she's not about to admit it. Rated for many reasons...


**Yup, MiuXChika again. ^.^ This one is from first person point of view, from Chika's perspective. Part of Chika's thoughts in the beginning are based off of my own when I realized I was falling for my best friend.**

**P.S. 'Chikan' means pervert in Japanese. You're gonna need to know that because there's some wordplay in this.**

I didn't understand how I could _possibly_ like her.

Why? Well first of all, she's _Miu_. My mischievous best friend and classmate. She's kinda crazy, and she's completely unpredictable. Who knows what goes on in her head. I doubt she'd even want to commit to a relationship. We'd certainly make an odd couple.

Second, she's a _girl_. I never thought I would like a girl. I wonder if this means I'm gay. I couldn't be, right? I just don't fit the image.

Third, I'm _me_. I've never felt this way before. At this rate, I'll probably turn into a lovesick puppy from one of those shoujo manga. I must be out of my mind. Miu's been haunting my mind lately, and it's annoying and somewhat disturbing. It's not like I _want_ to feel this way. I doubt we could ever be together.

There's no way I'm ever going to tell her. It'd just be too embarrassing. Knowing her, she might even find it _funny_. I wouldn't be able to take the humiliation.

Luckily I'm amazingly good at hiding things.

Miu watched me make cookies today.

"I'll get to have some, right?" Miu said. She put her elbows on the counter and leaned over to look more closely at the cookies.

I nodded. "_Everyone_ can have them."

"Well can I help you taste test?" said Miu.

I considered it, then nodded. "I guess so..."

Miu smiled and took a cookie from the wax paper, then took a huge bite. "Mm good!" she said with her mouth full. "You're a great cook, Chi-chan!"

I shrugged. "No, not really," I said. "But I'm glad you like them." I picked up another cookie and took dainty bites off the edges.

"Don't eat too much, Chi-chan," said Miu.

I glared at her. "I'm not fat."

"If you say so..." said Miu, giggling. I rolled my eyes. I know I'm not fat.

For some reason, the rest of the day I thought about Miu's compliment. It wasn't as if it was weird for friends to give each other compliments, but it _seemed_ kind of weird. I imagined other ways I could have responded to it, if I were braver. Maybe I could've even complimented her back. But what could I compliment her on? I couldn't think of any special skills she had, except maybe an astounding ability to make me weak. But that just sounded weird, and possibly suspicious.

_Well she's pretty,_ I thought, and then blushed at my own thoughts. I couldn't honestly say I didn't find Miu physically attractive, even though I wished I didn't. Maybe that way I wouldn't have to worry about staring at her for too long. One of these days she's going to catch me.

I'd been denying these feelings for months. I didn't think much of it when my heart rate sped up at her touch. I didn't think twice when our faces were inches apart and I'd wonder what it would be like to kiss her.

I think it's safe to say those aren't normal friend feelings. Looking back in my diary, I can find a few spots where something I wrote suggests I have a crush on her. Maybe I didn't realize it because she's a girl. The truth came crashing down when Miu kissed me. I'm sure she only did it because she was in an extra crazy mood though. After all, she was going to kiss Ana too, right? But when she kissed me, I felt the weirdest and strongest feeling I'd ever felt, and I panicked and pushed her off of me, calling her a pervert, among other things. When we took a short walk afterwards, I mentally pieced together all these weird feelings I'd been having around her, and came to the conclusion that I liked her. There was no other reasonable explanation, and it was the hardest thing ever to admit it to myself. Once I finally accepted it, I wrote all about it in my diary.

I wanted her to kiss me again. I wanted her to hold me down to the futon and kiss me. And if it ever happened again, I would resist my better judgment and let her.

～苺ましまろ～

One Saturday afternoon, my friends and I were hanging out in my room and Miu was talking about nicknames.

"Well you know how sometimes people add an N to the end of their names to make them into nicknames?" she said. "Let's see what our names would sound like with Ns at the end."

"I'd be Anan," said Ana. "I don't like that though..."

"Matsurin sounds normal," I said. I'd already realized what my name would be with an N at the end, but I didn't want to say it. Any second now, Miu would point it out.

"Nobuen," said Miu. "No, that's no good either. Neither is my name. Miun. Who ever heard of anyone called Miun? And Chi-chan would be..." I saw a look of realization hit her face, and she said, "Chikan! Pervert!"

My face burned with embarrassment, and I quickly said, "That's what _your_ name should be! That name doesn't suit me at all!"

"Really?" said Miu. "I wouldn't be surprised if you secretly had a very dirty mind." She giggled.

"I'm no more perverted than Ana-chan or Matsuri-chan," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure!"

"Have ya ever watched porn?"

"No," I lied. I had, but it was only an accident. Really! I clicked it on accident!

"I have."

"Well obviously _you_ have," I said. "Probably every day..."

"No, just most days," said Miu.

"...do your parents know?"

"They found out one day when they saw my browsing history," said Miu. "They told me not to look at it anymore."

"Yet you kept looking at it anyway?"

"Of course I did. I just made sure to use private browsing," said Miu.

"I don't see how anyone could watch that," I said. "I would be so embarrassed with myself if I ever did..."

"Once you start, you can't stop," said Miu. "It's like an addiction. Just ask Onee-chan, she knows a lot about addictions." Probably referring to her smoking and drinking, or possibly her obsession with Ana and Matsuri. Nobue looked annoyed.

"But oddly," said Miu, "my parents seemed more focused on the fact that it was lesbian porn than the fact that it was porn."

I was caught off guard. "Huh? Were they angry simply because it was that _type_ of porn?"

"I don't think so," said Miu. "Perhaps they were just surprised by it."

"Well... I hope so..." I said. "'Cause... there's nothing wrong with being gay..."

"I'm glad you think so," said Miu, smiling. "Since I'm gay."

I let out a little gasp. "R-Really?"

"Well obviously," said Nobue. "I had no doubt."

"I kinda wondered if she might be a lesbian..." said Ana.

"What's a lesbian?" asked clueless Matsuri.

"It means she wants to have sex with girls," said Nobue.

"Don't explain it like that!" I said.

"Well that _is_ what it means, right?" said Nobue.

"Technically, yes. But you don't have to say-"

"Matsuri-chan, it means she likes girls," said Ana.

"Oh," said Matsuri.

"Straight girls want to have sex with guys, and lesbians want to have sex with girls," said Nobue.

"Hey, if you don't stop talking about sex, my ears are going to explode!" I said. "Especially in front of Matsuri-chan... geez..."

"I'm sure Matsuri-chan isn't as innocent as she seems," said Miu. "Everyone thinks about sex, right?"

"At some point, but Matsuri-chan is like a first grader when it comes to innocence," I said.

"Well you should be able to handle it," said Miu. "You act like an adult, so you probably sexually fantasize every day."

"I doubt adults do that anyway," I said. "That's more of a mid-puberty thing..."

"And that's about your age, right?" said Miu.

"I don't know," I said, starting to get rather embarrassed.

"It definitely is," said Miu.

"How do you know?" I said. Miu pointed at my breast, and I felt my face heating up as I stood up and walked toward the door.

"I'm leaving 'cause you're being a pervert," I explained.

"Okay, see ya later!" said Miu.

I groaned. I am _not_ a pervert! But then I started thinking about every little sexual thing I've ever done or thought and I had doubts. _Like when I stared at the girls changing in the locker room... But that's normal, right? I'm a teenager and so of course I... of course I would... Then again, if it's _girls_, maybe it is kinda unusual. Not perverted, but maybe a hint that I'm..._

"Hey, Chi-chan!" I jumped nearly a foot in the air and saw Miu standing in the hall behind me.

"I'm not a pervert!" I yelled, then realized how random that sounded.

Miu giggled. "Oh, Chikan."

I glared at her. "Don't call me that. I don't think about sexual stuff any more than a normal person does."

"Well everyone wants to have sex," said Miu. "Or at least everyone besides asexuals."

"What's an asexual?"

"Someone who never wants to have sex. But only about one percent of people are asexual," said Miu.

"I suppose you would know a lot about sexuality," I said.

"True."

"So uh... how did you know you were gay?" I asked.

Miu shrugged. "That porn addiction definitely said something. Better question, how did you know you were straight?"

I bit my lip, not wanting to lie. "I don't know," I said. "I guess... I guess I've never been... um... attracted to guys..."

"I can believe that," said Miu. "I've never seen you fuss over boys before."

"Well honestly, I don't get it!" I said. "Guys are _not_ attractive."

"I agree," said Miu, a huge smile on her face.

I frowned. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"No reason."

"Um... okay... well... obviously _you_ wouldn't find guys attractive..." I said. "Since you're..." My voice trailed off.

"Gay," said Miu. "And you are too."

I blinked. "Huh?"

"Well you just said you don't find guys attractive," said Miu. "And I know you're interested in girls because I read your diary almost every day."

I gasped, and my face turned crimson. "What? You do?"

"Yup," said Miu. "It's the most interesting book I've ever read. It totally reveals a completely different side of you that you never ever show. You're so sweet and sensitive, Chi-chan. And I'd be _honored_ if you would be my girlfriend." I nearly fainted. "And yes, I noticed you were staring at me in the locker room." She smirked. "I certainly don't mind. I stare at you too."

I stammered and stuttered for a while, trying to comprehend this. "Y-You like me?"

"I don't see how anyone could _not_ like you," said Miu. "You're irresistibly cute. I've had a crush on you since, like, sixth grade."

"Wow, that long?" I said. "But if you've been reading my diary and you already knew I like you, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was waiting for you to say something when you were ready," said Miu. "And now I'm sick of waiting, and I want to kiss you again."

My lips trembled with nervousness, but I said, "Then go ahead."

Miu grinned. I attempted to relax my body as she leaned in, and then pressed my lips to hers. We kissed for several seconds.

And this time, I had no reason to resist.

Short Bonus:

"Hey Onee-chan, can I ask you for advice?" Chika asked.

"Sure," said Nobue. "Go ahead. Ask me anything."

"Uh, okay," said Chika, clearly embarrassed. "Um, what does it mean if I can't stop thinking about someone, I can't stop staring at her, and whenever she changes around me I'm tempted to look at her even though I'm _not_ a pervert?"

Nobue's jaw dropped and she mumbled. "Uh, that means you have a crush on her."

Chika's face turned red. "Oh... well maybe that should've been obvious..."

"Uh, yeah..."


End file.
